By Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.
Parenting is the most important and rewarding part of life. We have the divine opportunity to teach love, confidence, compassion, discipline and responsibility to another person. We will know what kind of parent we are by how we see our children get along, succeed and interact in the world. When love is the foundation of parenting we raise goal-driven children, rather than entitled children. If we love our children we mentor and discipline them.
6 Tips to Raising a Goal-Driven Child
1) Love Connection: Children who are parenting with a sense of love, security and well-being from the beginning of life will spend the rest of their lives striving to keep that feeling. Children who are valued emotionally, given security, touch, eye contact, time, attention and patience become motivated to repair their sense of well-being when they lose it because it has already been integrated into their sense of self.
2) Self-Worth: Children who feel significant and included in the lives of their parents and whose parents are committed, involved, and supportive in their lives and activities develop a sense of self-worth. They believe in their abilities to succeed, to fail and get back up, to look any man, woman or situation in the face and be proud of who they are.
3.) Use Your Child’s Name: Using your child’s name makes them feel important. Use their name when you are giving compliments, so they take that compliment as being directly related to their value. It tells them they are real and special. Using their name helps soften discipline because you are making them a person, rather than a faulty behavior.
4) Rewards Carry Over: As your child gets older make sure to encourage and compliment their talents and interests. Celebrate them that they are able to do something well. As they get this feeling of gratification it will carry over and help them to be more open to try and achieve new things. Rewards are the beginning of the development of internal motivation creating self-starters.
5) Set Your Children Up for Success: Children assess their value by how they are perceived by others. It will be important to not let your child quit what they start but also not to force them to do what they really don’t want to do. This balance helps your child to learn they must finish what they start but if they aren’t interested long-term is some endeavor, they may choose to stop. This is good for the exploration of their identity and also to learn the value of commitment and passion.
6) Give Your Children Responsibilities: Children need jobs. One of the main ways children develop self-love, motivation, confidence and values is through helping maintain the family home. Giving children household duties helps them experience their worth and it provides them a sense of accomplishment and reward.
Little Life Message: Children need to know that hard work is their way to success. They learn that to achieve their goals responsibilities come first and leisure comes second.
Sherrie Campbell, PhD is a veteran, licensed Psychologist with two decades of clinical training and experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California. In her private practice, she currently specializes in psychotherapy with adults and teenagers, including marriage and family therapy, grief counselling, childhood trauma, sexual issues, personality disorders, illness and more. She has helped individuals manage their highest high and survive their lowest low—from winning the lottery to the death of a child. Her interactive sessions are as unique and impactful as her new book, Loving Yourself : The Mastery of Being Your Own Person.
She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology in 2003 and has regularly contributes to numerous publications, including Intent.com, Beliefnet.com, DrLaura.com and Hitched.com. She is also an inspirational speaker, avid writer and proud mother. She can be reached at Sherriecampbellphd.com.
Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person is available on Amazon.com and other fine booksellers.