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The Linkage Between Trust and Communication

Posted by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.com where she discusses relationship issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with a quirky and comedic twist.

Posted by Tahira Wright. She is a blogger and has her own website at www.happilydivorcedandafter.com where she discusses relationship issues, insights on trending news and celebrity insights and her journey in becoming a happily divorcee. Her style is reality-based with a quirky and comedic twist.

Many times when entering in a relationship or friendship there is initial acceptance of a certain level of trust. What increases your level of comfort with someone? Is it time that has elapsed since initially engaged with that person or the depth of your communication?

When reflecting over obstacles faced in my relationships, I cannot help but to say to myself, now had we communicated our thoughts better this issue would of been a moot topic. In my opinion, trust and communication are directly correlated. Between two people of the opposite sex, this becomes a challenge. When speaking to my girlfriends we have very descriptive conversations, share our emotions whether it is the way our feet felt in our brand new pumps when we hit the town last night or how we are excited in meeting a new guy. Men on the other hand tend to be more reserved, keep it simple share on a need to know basis. If you want to know how there day was, you have to pry it out by asking specific questions. “What type of feedback did you receive from your manager on the presentation you were up all night preparing for?” Not just how did it go. On the other hand, when a man asks a woman how her day went, we as women will start to tell a story. We discuss  how our boss looked at us, what they were wearing and want it to be interpreted by our mate.  But men don’t want to hear all that. They just want to know it went well and as a result there will be a peaceful evening.

The imbalance in my opinion can create trust issues if the man and woman aren’t understanding of the communication expectations from each other. What communication feedback do I as a woman want and need in a relationship? When initiating the possibility of a relationship: communicate expectations upfront. When you are dating: still communicate updated expectations. When exclusively dating or married: still communicate updated expectations. When I refer to expectations not I want to get married in so many months. Gees relax men! Some men hear expectations and think us women are trying to race them to the altar or give them a long list of rules. No not the case at all. In my opinion for most women, we want to hear what type of woman our potential mate likes and explain what keeps us attracted. What thrives you and goals do you have are the questions we want answered. Now these expectations change. So it is important for both mates to stay updated. Only difference is that maybe the communication will need to be more direct and less colorful when speaking to a man. For the man he will need to step up his convo and be a bit more descriptive.

When there are too many unknown variables….alternative conclusions and assumptions are made. Expectations are not met and trust begins to erode as opposed to increasing. Hence, in my opinion communication and trust are intertwined together.

What Are Your Thoughts? Do You Think Communication Fosters Trust?

 

Newest Cast Member Added to SNL: Sasheer Zamata

webSasheer Zamata - Copy

The news on Saturday Night Live’s (SNL) newest cast member was spreading the online media and social media world like wildfire on Monday, January 6. The reason for the excitement, astonishing announcement is because this new member of the popular television sitcom is a Afro-Centric woman by the name of Sasheer Zamata.

Zamata is an amazing actress, writer and comedian from New York. She hosts a weekly variety show called School Night at UCBNY on Wednesday nights at 11 p.m. In addition she performs improv with Doppelganger  and BUCKY on Harold Nights, which is also held at UCBNY.

This rising star  is set to make her debut on SNL on the January 18 episode, the same night that rap epitome Drake hosts the show.  The casting of the show came after showcases featuring Black female comedians were held in New York and Los Angeles after the long-running sketch series faces widespread criticism that the new stars of the fan favorite sitcom lacked minority faces and specifically the inclusion of an African-American woman.

For more information on the dynamic comedian and actress, follow her on Twitter @thesheertruth, like her on Facebook or visit her official website at sasheer.com. (Written by  Naomi Bonman)

Mandela: From Prisoner To President

Mandela: From Prisoner To President - WSS Newspaper

I was in Tucson Arizona on that unforgettable Sunday morning in 1990 when Nelson Mandela was released from prison as I sat transfixed when he was sworn in as South Africa’s first democratically-elected president who happened to be a black man. His death on December 5 made me recount the times and ways he had touched my life.
I became more conscious of the man when the National Council of Negro Women (NCNW), under the leadership of president Dr. Dorothy I. Height, urged the membership to support Winnie Mandela who was being persecuted by the government while her husband suffered at Robbin Island. I was aware of apartheid and the ANC already; and wanted to know more about the man and the plight of his people. I read two books by South African writer, Mark Mathabane, who painted a starkly brutal picture of life for black people in the country.
In 1985, I attend the UN Decade for Women Conference in Nairobi, Kenya with the NCNW where we met 20 South African women who were there without the consent of their government and did not know what would happen to them when they returned home. They said they did not care as they would rather be dead than continue to live the harsh conditions imposed on them. They were inspired by the courageous resistance practiced by Mandela and our delegation discussed the situation with the ladies several times.
Following the conference, our group visited the small country landlocked by South Africa: Swaziland, a kingdom never colonized by a foreign power; we had to go through Johannesburg to get to the country. The women there had replicated the NCNW’s Mississippi Pig Project and we were there to see their progress. We visited with the wives of the king who applauded our joint venture. We talked about the women who were selling their livestock in South Africa, they said “We are neighbors-not friends” and they identified with the struggles of Mandela and his people, but had no other market for their product.
On the way home we encountered a heavy police presence in the Johannesburg airport and I checked the newspaper which stated “BOTHA DECLARES EMERGENCY”. Dr. Height suggested we all buy a paper as it could mean we were seeing the beginning of the end to apartheid, but no one could have predicted that only five years later the end would come. In the meantime, NCNW joined the movement to divest in South Africa.
The local NCNW led a large group to the Los Angeles Coliseum to see Nelson and Winnie Mandela during their American tour where thousands of cheering devotees welcomed the couple to the southland. Soon after  I discovered his biography, “Long Walk to Freedom”  which I highly recommend. It reveals an extraordinary man who never lost his dignity under oppression, one who studied his captors and used what he learned to outwit them and win them over. The book has recently been made into a movie featuring British actor, Idris Elba. Readers will learn a lot about the country, as well as the man.
The most important encounter I had was up close and personal, early into the new century, around the year 2000, I had gone to Washington DC for a Workforce Development meeting and called Dr. Height to chat. She invited me to be her guest at a high level international function that night. Thanks to Dr. Height, I got to meet Nelson Mandela, Gracla Marchal, who was being honored,  and Bishop Tutu. Mandela was a tall, stately man whose eyes exuded brilliance and he looked right at you as if you were important to him. Oh what a night! President Mandela said, “It is not that I have no fear but that I had to act in spite of my fear”. That was the same attitude the 20 women exhibited in Nairobi.
It was the book that finally gave me the in depth view of the man and I encourage readers to read the three books I referred to earlier: The Long Walk to Freedom and African Women by Mathabane.  (Written by Lois J. Carson, San Bernardino resident)